Well first things first, I suppose:

Happy New Year!

Albeit 3.75 months late (black person time, you know) but this is officially my first blog entry of the year, so auld langs syne to you.

My absense was due mainly to my winter hibernation and a "Ms. Fix-it" experiment gone horribly wrong on my computer certainly didn't help my cause. However, thanks to this gorgeous, early taste of Spring that we're experiencing and a generous, laptop toting angel, both my creative and technological juices are up and flowing again.

Since my last entry, all in Kikiland has been well. I'm still cursing, still having masturbation sessions interrupted by my cat, and still having fabuIous sex, although in lesser quantities. I havent necessarily been UTR, so to speak (at least not intetionally), I've just been "doin' me", as the kids would say; focusing on the important shit, forgetting about everything else and doing my best to decide who and what deserve to go into each category (I've been doing quite the job, btw). I know I'm always talking about grey hairs in my weave and crowsfeet and sagging old woman titties and while it's usually in jest, the truth is that I am getting older... maybe not old, but definitely older, and so this year I decided to do a litte growing up and "Spring clean" the fuck out of my life.

What Ive noticed, though, is that without fail, whenever you try to proceed into another chapter of your life, the antagonists from the previous 5 or 6 chapters always wanna try and show up for a guest appearance. Um, sorry, bitch, you've been written out of this book. There will be no cameos and no flashbacks, ok? From shitty clients to even shittier ex-civvie, um, mistakes, my past has been chasing my black ass around this year and while irritating, I have found some evil joy in seeing the blemishes of my more naive days grovel and beg to be let back in.

I may curse a lot and call everyone bitch, but anyone who knows me knows that I am fiercely loyal with a heart of gold. From real life friends to first time clients, I am constantly going above and beyond because thats just what I do and who I am... a nice fucking chick. All I ask for in return is that I, my feelings and my time are respected. That's it. Once someone shows that they are unable or unwilling to do that, they go into the laundry pile and in Kikiland, I don't throw a load in the washer and hope the stain comes out; I throw the shit out. Your fucking soul and general sense of decency is soiled, boo; there's no Shout stick to get rid of that. I'm sorry if you're feeling some type of way and missing me but damn it, cherish and appreciate what and who you have while you have them. Joni Mitchell ain't neva lied.

So on that note, I thank everyone for the emails and messags over these few months checking to make sure that I'm ok. I'm back, better than ever and looking forward to what other exciting changes 2012 has in store for me... and all of you.

While I've only been 24 years old for all of 3 weeks, I've already received 5 invitation emails to seniorpeoplemeet.com. I've also discovered a grey hair (in my weave, yes, but a grey hair, nonetheless), a new wrinkle and I could swear the girls are sitting a little bit lower than usual. On the bright side, I haven't started queefing out powdered vajay juice or anything like that, so in general, I suppose I haven't much to complain about.

Seriously, though, while I can't say that getting older is necessarily something I'm excited about, I will admit that I'm enjoying some of the benefits that come along with the natural aging process. Most notably, in the sexual gratification department a.k.a. the only fucking life department that really matters.

I still remember losing my virginity and how awkward and completely unenjoyable it was. In fact, most of the sex from my initial sexually active years was horrible. I didn't even have my first real orgasm until I was 20. Regardless of how "ready" I was, I just didn't have the years and experience and confidence under my belt to properly enjoy myself. Then, I had no idea about what I liked or how I prefered to be touched or what turned me on and everything that is crucial to enjoying sex. If I didn't even know how to really please myself, how was I supposed to please my partner? In retrospect I realize that I probably wasn't HA! I would moan and ooh and ahh and lickey lickey suckey suckey here and there, but there was no passion or emotion or fucking conviction behind it. I was so, so young and I was just doing what Cosmo magazine and Carrie Bradshaw said were sexy.

Now, it's like night and day. I'm totally in tune with my body which allows me to enjoy sex to such an intense degree. There are no reservations, no inhibitions, no doubts; just me, my hitachi and what I hope is a willing and adventurous partner. Sex is something that is best experienced when it's organic and you've harnessed the will and courage to allow yourself to be completely free and open. I'm finally at that place and let me tell you, boy does it feel good; literally. I'm viewing and experiencing sex as an adult, now, and it's incredible. To paraphrase Folgers, "the best part of growing up is learning how to fuck." Legit.

I look back fondly on 2011 and what it was to me; a year full of incredible people, new places and wonderful experiences . I may have grown a year older, but I also grew a year wiser and a year sexier and a year more fucking fabulous. Just call me moscato, baby, because my ass is growing sweeter and more delicious with every passing day.

So here's to what was a memorable 2011 and what will hopefully be an even better 2012. See you all next year :)